Introduction
by ZiPpY
tC, P2H4 On-Sec
Haring is the most important
responsibility that can be entrusted to a hasher. It
takes planning, insight, creativity, and yes, some
panaché to lay an exciting trail and establish the
conditions for a great ON-IN afterward.
This guide is written based on
the traditions of the P2H4 and the many hard lessons
learned over the past 12+ years of hashing in and
around Colorado Springs. You might think that the
detail contained this guide (4,000+ words) may seem
to be a bit overboard (or even anal) for a group
which essentially has no rules, but there's a good
reason for it. Everything contained herein will help
you, the hare, avert the known and
avoidable pitfalls associated with haring. I've seen
nearly every one of the things outlined in this guide
go wrong at one time or another, either here or
elsewhere (I've been to some 800 hashing events).
Simply put, no hare should be condemned to repeat the
mistakes of others. It is in this spirit that the
P2H4 Guide For Hares is written.
Please read carefully before
you hare the next time. In a feeble attempt at
organization, this guide is divided into the
following sections.
^ Top of Page ^
The Schedule
- If you want to hare (and
you should) you first need to coordinate with
the Hare Raiser to get on the schedule. NIPS
(aka Slug Sucker) is the P2H4 '00-'01 Hare
Raiser. He can be contacted in person at the
hash (he's the guy wearing the dirty yellow
NIPS hat), by eMail at slugbust@aol.com, or by phone 719-260-9783.
- The schedule is usually
filled six or more months in advance, so plan
ahead to get the date you want (such as near
your birthday for all you narcissistic
types). You can check the online schedule to see which dates are
available.
- A note for virgin (first
time) hares: You must have a
veteran co-hare! There's no substitute for
experience - you can learn much from your
grizzled old partner. If you don't arrange
for a suitably experienced co-hare yourself,
the Hare Raiser will appoint one for you.
^ Top of Page ^
Planning the Hash
The first
thing you should establish is the type of
hash. You have two choices, Dead Hare or Live
Hare:
The
primary mode of hashing in the P2H4 is
the Dead Hare where the entire trail is
laid a few hours before the start of the
hash. The Dead Hare provides the
opportunity for people of all athletic
abilities to lay trail and also allows
time to construct a more elaborate system
of checks.
However,
many people like live-hared trails
because of the additional element of
suspense wherein the hares might be
caught. In a Live Hare environment, the
hares are given a 15 minute head start
and lay the trail in real time. They try
to provide a good trail while at the same
time avoid being caught by the hounds. If
caught, the hare might briefly loose
his/her pants and the catcher might
become a co-hare from that point.
This
guide pertains to both Live and Dead
haring. In the few instances where a
major difference in the format exists it
is labeled Live Hare
:
Probably
the most difficult part of haring is
arranging a suitable place for the ON-IN.
This; however, is not an insurmountable
problem and should not dissuade you from
taking your turn as a P2H4 hare. Some
thoughts follow:
Plan
where you want to end and then plan where
you want to start. There are more
starting places than ending places.
Start
fairly close (by auto) to the end. The
fewer people you have to ferry back to
the start, the better. Hares have gotten
in trouble this way before.
There
should be enough parking space at the
start for everyone expected to show up.
Also, make sure that it's okay to park
there. Hashers seem to get pissed off
when they get back from the ON-IN and
find that their cars have been towed. If
there isn't sufficient parking space and
you simply must use this
location, you'll have to gather at
another spot where parking is adequate
and carpool or shuttle to the start. This
adds a degree of complexity to the hash
which isn't recommended under normal
circumstances.
While
it might be warm enough
to have a winter ON-IN outdoors, it's by
no means guaranteed that the weather will
cooperate. Therefore, you should plan
arranging an indoor ON-IN site from
mid-October through mid-April.
If ending
the hash at a public establishment (bar,
tavern, pub, etc.), coordinate with the owner
(or manager) well in advance.
- Ask for happy hour
prices (lower if possible)
- Ask about food
(free munchies, menu items)
- Let the
Beermeister know that you won't need
a keg.
- Let the bar
management know we will go through
one(+) keg of beer during our stay
and that in addition to beer we'll
need pitchers of water and soft
drinks for our designated drivers
(they just might provide
complimentary soft drinks).
- Get approval for
an area to do hash business. Using a
tarp to cover the floor during
down-downs is sometimes a wise move.
- Point out that we
are a solemn, serious bunch that is
never loud, rambunctious, or lewd.
(And lawyers go to heaven.)
- The On-Before:
- The On-Before at a bar
is traditional part of the P2H4 hash
experience
- It's the hare's
responsibility to:
- Find a suitable
On-Before location. Make it as close
to the start as practical.
- Coordinate with
the bar management. Try to get
special prices, but at the very least
let them know that for an hour or so
there'll be an additional 50 patrons
above normal early Saturday afternoon
business.
- Plan for bad weather. More
than once we've ended on a hilltop during a
thunderstorm without an alternative.
Therefore:
- Have an alternate indoor
location in mind.
- Think about shortcuts
for really bad weather or even calling
off a part of the trail when the
weather's too bad.
- Theme hashes.
- While not required,
themed hashes can be fun. Some
traditional P2H4 theme hashes include:
Mardi Gras, Red Dress, and Jingle Balls.
For your hash, try to come up with
something new and appropriate. Some
examples: have hashers put on clothing
left at checks, hide stuff around checks
(scavenger hunt), well you get the idea,
use your imagination.
- Caveat: If you
encourage hashers to wear costumes then
take them through costume shredding
shiggy, they will revolt. Best costume
hashes are in high visibility areas.
- Birthdays. Let's be
frank, birthdays are not all that
unusual, everyone has one a year.
Therefore, you might want to consider a
theme other than a celebration of
yourself.
- Be sure to explain
what's expected of the hounds at the
chalk talk, or in the publicity if it
entails costuming.
- Use the checklist
for hares to make sure that you have all
the bases covered.
^ Top of Page ^
Coordination
Let the
Beermeister know what kind of beer support
you'll need. If you plan on having a beer
check and the end is in your back yard, the
beer requirement for him is far different
than if there's no beer check and the end is
at a public establishment.
It's
the hare's responsibility to contact the
Beermeister, preferably a few weeks
before the hash but certainly not later
than one week before the hash. He'll need
to know whether you need a keg (and where
it should be delivered) and whether or
not there'll be a beer check.
Please
be considerate of the Beermeister. He's
got the worst (but most important) job in
the hash. Don't force him to chase you
down to find out what your
beer needs are. The '00-'01 P2H4
Beermeister is Aqua Lungs. You can contact her via eMail at
aqua@iex.net or by phone at 719-635-3355.
If the
ON-IN is at a bar, inform the Hash Cash at
the start of the hash to arrange transfer of
funds to pay for beer at the bar.
You can
swap dates with another hare but you must
let the Hare Raiser know. This is not to
obtain permission, but simply to keep the
attending confusion to the minimum.
Let the
On-Sec know where the hash ends before the
hash begins. He'll place the ON-IN
information on the Hareline Phone Recording
(719-576-0331) after the hash is well
underway. This allows people who become lost
on trail and those who miss the start to be
able to find everyone at the ON-IN. The
'99-Y2K P2H4 On-Sec is ZiPpY tC. You can
contact him by eMail zippy@harrier.net or by phone 719-332-4586.
^ Top of Page ^
Money Matters
Note:
Capitalized, the term Hash Cash refers
to the person who manages the financial resources
of the P2H4. When written in lower case, hash
cash represents the actual financial resources
(i.e., the money).
It's
important that hares understand the use of
hash cash and not unknowingly undertake
expenditures which are not reimbursable.
Specific guidelines follow:
The
Hash Cash collects $5.00 from each hasher
per hash, with the exception that virgins
(first time hashers) and hares do not
pay. The reason hares do not pay is that
they encounter expenses which hounds do
not. Such expenses include: flour, chalk,
and flyer creation/reproduction. So
please do not seek special reimbursement
for these incidental expences.
Of the
$5.00 collected from paying hashers,
$4.00 is available to pay for beer, soft
drinks, ice, and munchies. The other
$1.00 is retained in the hash superfund
for contingencies and emergencies (like
special subsidized hash events).
For
each hash that does not
end at a public establishment, the Hash
Cash will fully reimburse the Beermeister
for one keg of beer, the amount of canned
beer consumed at the beer checks, plus
soft drinks and ice. Any remaining money
(up the the $4.00 per paid hasher level)
can be used to pay for munchies (chips
and dips and the like).
For
hashes which end at a public
establishment, the Hash Cash will provide
the hare $4.00 per person who actually
paid. Example: There are 48 people at the
hash including 5 virgins and 3 hares. The
Hash Cash will provide the hares $160 (40
paid hashers times $4) to spend at the
bar.
The
hash will not pay
for unlimited beer. It is up to the
hare to negotiate reasonable prices
and to make financial settlement with
the establishment. Please
don't forget to figure in the serving
staff's gratuity.
Once
the hash cash is exhausted, the hares
can buy additional beer at their
personal expense, or "pass the
hat" for donations to keep the
beer flowing.
About
food: The hash cash is used
primarily to buy beer and soft drinks. If
sufficient funds exist within the $4.00 per
paid hasher constraint, hash cash can be used
to pay for munchies. If more elaborate fare
is desired, it is strictly at the hares'
discretion and expense.
About
"good" beer: To stretch
the hash cash as far as possible, the
Beermeister's selection of beer is rather
pedestrian (read cheap). If the hares wish,
they may of course supply higher quality
(homebrew, microbrew, commercial premium)
beer themselves. However, reimbursement will
only be at the rate of an equivalent amount
of our normal cheap beer. Example: If the
hares buy a keg of Fat Tire Ale for $110, the
Hash Cash will only reimburse them whatever's
the going price of a keg of Busch (around
$50.00 at present).
If you
have questions, contact the Hash Cash. The '00-'01 P2H4 Hash Cash is Grit in Her Slit.
You can contact her by eMail grit_P2H4@yahoo.com or by phone 719-264-6045.
^ Top of Page ^
Publicity
- It's a good idea to create
a flyer and and pass out copies at the hash
immediately preceding yours. You can be
creative as you wish with the design of the
flyer as long as the elements essential
information are included. Please include:
- WHAT: (P2H4 Hash #???)
- WHEN: (Saturday,
Month, Day, Year, @2:00 pm)
- WHERE:
- HARES:
- THEME: (If any)
- TRAIL: Length:
xxxxxxx, Difficulty: xxxxxxx
- DOG FRIENDLY: Yes/No
- ON-BEFORE:
- BRING: $5.00, a
whistle, and a shagbag
- DIRECTIONS: (Contact
Zippy, he has a library of canned
directions to most everywhere in the
Springs area)
- If you have internet
access, post the start information onto the
Colorado HHH eMail List < ColoradoH3@yahoogroups.com >. Include the following (it
might look familiar from the above):
- WHAT: (P2H4 Hash #???)
- WHEN: (Saturday,
Month, Day, Year, @2:00 pm)
- WHERE:
- HARES:
- THEME: (If any)
- TRAIL: Length:
xxxxxxx, Difficulty: xxxxxxx
- DOG FRIENDLY: Yes/No
- ON-BEFORE:
- BRING: $5.00, a
whistle, and a shagbag
- DIRECTIONS: (Contact
Zippy, he has a library of canned
directions to most everywhere in the
Springs area)
- If you have any trouble
posting the message, or don't have internet
access, contact the On-Sec and he'll take
care of posting the message and also place
the information on the Hareline Phone
Recording (719-576-0331) at the appropriate
time. The '00-'01 P2H4 On-Sec is ZiPpY tC.
You can contact him by eMail zippy@harrier.net or by phone 719-332-4586.
^ Top of Page ^
Planning the Trail
- Scout your trail early and
often. This means actually running and/or
walking the trail several times to get a good
feel of its viability in terms of length,
difficulty (shiggy), and opportunities for
pleasant surprises. You can't scout a good
trail from a car or off a topographic map,
but both can be useful support items.
- Trail should normally be
in the 3 to 5 mile range but certainly never
more than 6 miles or so. Evaluate
your trail in terms of length and rate it in
difficulty as indicated below.
| Length |
Description |
|
Difficulty |
Description |
| 3-4 miles |
Short |
|
Little or
no shiggy, flat or only a few small hills |
Easy |
| 4-5 miles |
Medium |
|
Some
shiggy, some hills |
Moderate |
| Over 5
miles |
Long |
|
Much
shiggy, much vertical work and/or high
altitude |
Difficult |
Once you've evaluated the
trail, use the descriptions above for use in the
publicity campaign for your hash. This is a
simple courtesy to give the hounds some idea of
what they're up against and can serve to head off
later complaints about the trail.
- Plan for a shag vehicle to
get baggage to the end and on cold (or rainy)
days, to the beer check. If you need help,
enlist the assistance of a auto hasher (e.g.,
ZiPpY tC).
- Don't cross private land
without permission.
- Safety:
Remember that not everyone is a rock climber.
Avoid the truly dangerous stuff. Examples
include, but are not limited to: culverts in
thunderstorm season (May-September), the
railyard just West of downtown, and any
crossing of I-25 at street level.
- Turkey trails are supposed
to be easy, not just easier.
- Use trails (even deer
trails) to avoid damage to slopes, etc.
- Include a beer check or
regroup to permit the less athletic (and the
lost) time to catch up to the pack.
- Beer check:
- Plan the logistics of
the beer check carefully. You'll need to
get the beer there before the FRBs arrive
and clean up the area after everyone
leaves. It should be a place where the
hashers can enjoy a beer without getting
harassed. Avoid places where a group of
40-50 people drinking will draw undue
attention. Out of sight under a bridge
usually works fairly well.
- You can also stash the
beer, in a cooler or whatever (i.e., an
unmanned beer check). If you do this,
please leave a trash bag for the empties
and don't forget to return and pick it up
after the hash.
- Water:
- Always have
sufficient drinking water available
at the beer check.
- While it's an
individual responsibility to prevent
one's own dehydration (that is to
carry a water bottle on trail), there
should be little or no extra effort
to provide water at the beer check.
Hashers will use this water to both
drink and to refill their water
bottles.
- Many people prefer
water on the trail and defer their
beer drinking until the ON-IN. Others
will enjoy a drink of water and a
brew.
- If you say it's a
dog friendly trail, you should
provide enough water for both people
and dogs.
- If you provide
water in bulk, also provide a means
for people and animals to drink it.
This mean plastic or paper cups.
- Live
Hare : In the opinion
of some, a beer check on a live hared
trail is considered an unethical means to
avoid getting caught. Nevertheless, it is
a perfectly acceptable tactic in the
P2H4.
- Again, If you need
help, enlist the assistance of a auto
hasher (e.g., ZiPpY tC).
- Be creative. You're not
catering to any special interest group,
especially the competitive runners.
- Don't' use the hash to
demonstrate your superb physical fitness. The
point of the hash is for both hares
and hounds to have fun. As a hound, getting
your dick knocked into the dirt simply isn't
fun, no matter how amused it the hare is
about it all.
- Dogs: While
the P2H4 certainly isn't a kennel club, a few
hashers want to bring their pets to the hash.
This practice is neither encouraged nor
discouraged. Therefore, it's the hare's
responsibility to assess the trail and ON-IN
as to whether or not it's "dog
friendly" and include the information in
the publicity release. Normally, an ON-IN at
a public establishment is unsuitable for dogs
and there are certain trail characteristics
make the presence of dogs impractical (e.g.,
trails which go through structures such as
malls and hotels, water crossings more than
knee deep, or transport in the manner of
busses or U-Haul vans).
- Logistics: Hash
day logistics are quite frankly a pain in the
ass, but essential to a successful event. The
hare has many logistical responsibilities
which if not carefully planned for can
detract from the ability to lay the trail or
result in delays and dry spells at the ON-IN.
That the shag wagon, beer check, ice, keg,
etc. are the responsibility of the hare, it
does not mean that the hare must do
everything him/herself. It is perfectly
acceptable to enlist the assistance of others
to take care of logistical matters.
Assistants can come in the form of auto
hashers, or even non-hashers, it really
doesn't matter. What does matter is that the
beer is flowing at the ON-IN when the Front
Running Bastards (FRBs) arrive and that the
shag wagon is nearby and accessible.
- Three important things to
not to loose sight of:
- Actual weather
conditions on the day of your hash can
wreck havoc with the best laid plans.
- Once the hash starts,
it's no longer in your control.
- Every hare has a trail
that will not work.
^ Top of Page ^
Laying the Trail
- Before laying the trail,
make sure that both you and your hare
partner(s) are all using the same marking
conventions. Otherwise you just may confuse
the hounds, get them lost and into an ugly
mood. See the associated Guide to
P2H4 Trail Marks.
- Don't screw with the pack
by making the trail difficult to find; screw
with the pack by where the trail goes. It's
far better to lay a trail that's easy to find
and a son of a bitch to traverse, than
vice-versa.
- Assigning segments of the
trail to different hares to lay independently
is a sure recipe for disaster. The only
guaranteed way to ensure a coherent trail is
for all hares to lay the trail together.
- Trail Marks:
- Use lots of flour. Use
lots of flour. This can't be emphasized
enough.
- Ideally, hounds should
be able to see the next mark from the
last.
- Hash marks should be
placed about 25 yards or so apart. Marks
should never be more
than 50 yards apart
- When bushwhacking,
make marks very close together.
- Consider alternate
marking when bushwhacking, such as
surveyor/engineer tape or toilet paper.
- Mark your trail with
environmentally friendly substances. That
means no spray paint and remember that
after the hash you must remove anything
you used that the rain won't easily
eradicate (e.g., surveyor/engineer tape).
- Sidewalk chalk is
great, but only when it isn't raining.
- Don't get too clever
with your marking medium. Animals just
might find certain things irresistible
(like Froot Loops) and eat your marks.
- Also see the
associated Guide to Hash Marks.
- If you change direction,
mark the change with either a check or a hare
arrow. There is no requirement to lay false
trails from a check, but there must
be a true trail.
- End your false trails with
a false trail mark, especially for pre-laid
trails where a "blow job" (false
trail without a false trail mark) make little
sense.
- Three flour marks after a
check means true trail. After three hash
marks it is not Kosher to lay a false trail
mark. A check (which may include false
trails) on the other hand is quite
appropriate.
- Checks keep packs together
and Front Running Bastards (FRBs) confused.
Ideally, the Dead Fu*king Last (DFLs) should
reach the beer-check & On-In within 5
minutes or so of the FRB's. If the slower
hashers say the hash was a cake-walk while
the FRB's ran their ass off, you've done a
great job. On the other hand, too many checks
can be quite annoying. In this matter, trail
laying is more of an art than a science.
Unfortunately, you it can only learn the
proper balance from experience, both as hare
and hound.
- Inclement weather tips:
- Rain:
- Lay your hash
marks in larger than normal piles.
Avoid gutters where flour is sure to
get washed away.
- Try and find
places to lay it where it won't get
wet, if possible.
- Flour will stay
around better if you lay it in clumps
rather than just throwing it on the
ground. If you squeeze the clump and
set it down it will hold together
better.
- In rain, flour
sticks to wood (trees, fences) better
than grass, smooth surfaces or
sidewalks.
- You really need to
use a lot of flour on a wet hash
because some your marks are going to
get washed away no matter how good of
job you do laying it.
- Be extra careful
when laying critical marks (checks,
arrows, etc.) because hounds have a
hell of a time figuring out what to
do in the absence of trail marks.
- Don't bother with
chalk as it always gets washed away
in the rain.
- If rains after
you've laid your trail, you really
should recheck it before the hash
starts.
- Snow:
- Color your flour.
Carpenter's snap line powered chalk
works well, just be sure to use
enough chalk to achieve a distinctly
bold color. Lightly colored flour
tends to blend with the snow, making
hash marks difficult, if not
impossible to see.
- Hashing in deep
snow takes lots of physical effort
and your trail should take this fact
into account and not be too long.
- If there's a
blizzard and the Governor has
declared an emergency and it's
illegal to drive on any public street
(like in October 1997), there will be
no hash. This is the only exception
to our scheduling philosophy of
"every other Saturday,
regardless of weather, at 2:00 pm,
year-round."
- Live Hare :
- Not getting caught is
a matter of cleverness (and luck), not
speed.
- Don't double back;
you're bound to run into a short cutting
bastart (SCB).
- Don't worry TOO much
about blow jobs.
- Do everything you can
to screw up the SCBs. Most live hares are
caught by SCBs, not from FRBs.
- Screw the SCBs.
^ Top of Page ^
- Give a chalk talk before
the hash. This is to aquatint the new boots
with hashing in general and to apprise the
old hands of the new twists you've introduced
to confound them on the trail.
- Point out the direction of
the trail if the pack can't find it
themselves in short order.
- Live Hare :
- Make it clear that you
get a 15-minute head start.
- Enlist a known auto
hasher as co-conspirator. (S)he can:
- Act as the
"honest broker" timkeeper.
- Give the chalk
talk (write out the briefing for
them).
- Lead in singing
Father Abraham (anything to asist in
providing your full 15 minute
headstart)
- Drive the shag
vehicle
- Facilitate the
beer check, if there is one. Just be
sure to give your assistant good
directions.
^ Top of Page ^
Hare
responsibilities include:
- Getting the
shag vehicle to the ON-IN site.
- All logistics involved
with beer, soft drinks, ice, water,
munchies, etc.
- Dealing with
the property owner (both public
establishment and private property) in
all matters financial and diplomatic.
- In public
establishments setting aside sufficient
beer for the down-downs.
- Returning
people to the start to retrieve their
cars.
- Cleaning up
the ON-IN venue after the festivities.
- Establishing
a Lost & Found for the the inevitable
misplaced items of personal property.
Hare
responsibilities do not include the actual
conduct of hash business. This is the sole
purview of the Hash Mismanagement.
^ Top of Page ^
Don't
worry about trying to lay the perfect trail - there
really isn't such thing. Something unforeseen will
normally, generally, usually go wrong. Just try your
best and your hash will be a success. Accept your
down-down with humility. And don't forget to
coordinate with the Beermeister!
ZiPpY tC
PS
- Thanks to NIPS, Damn Little, and Smutt Mutt
(DFW) for their assistance in creating this
guide.
Last
Updated at 03:40 on Monday, February 12, 2001
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